The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. - Tom Lehrer
I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up. - Tom Lehrer
If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it. - Tom Lehrer
If after hearing my songs just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend or perhaps to strike a loved one it will all have been worth the while. - Tom Lehrer
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! - Tom Lehrer
On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. - Tom Lehrer
Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. - Tom Lehrer
There used to be certain words you couldn't say in front of a girl. Now, you can say them, but you can't say 'girl.' - Tom Lehrer
It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year. - Tom Lehrer
Life is a piano what you get out of it depends on how you play it - Tom Lehrer
Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. - Tom Lehrer